Funny Quotes And Sayings

Funny quotes and sayings includes proverbs, idioms, and other words of wisdom that will make you smile and laugh! Read these funny quotes and sayings and share them with everyone for a good time.

If you enjoy them, you will like our Hilarious Quotes

Funny Quotes

  • I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem? – Arnold Schwarzenegger 
  • Never raise your hand to your children – it leaves your midsection unprotected – Robert Orben 
  • In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first. George Carlin 
  • My God. We’ve had cloning in the South for years. It’s called cousins – Robin Williams 
  • Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV – Jerry Seinfeld 
  • A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often – Oliver Herford 
  • Who picks your clothes – Stevie Wonder? – Don Rickles
  • Miami Beach is where neon goes to die – Lenny Bruce 
  • Why don’t you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini? – Robert Benchley 
  • If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle – Hillary Clinton 

funny quotes and sayings

Funny Sayings And Proverbs

  • My goal this weekend is to move… just enough so people don’t think I’m dead.
  • You don’t notice the air, until someone spoils it.
  • If you love a woman, you shouldn’t be ashamed to show her to your wife.
  • If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
  • Life didn’t work out, but everything else is not that bad.
  • Love helps to kill time. And time helps to kill love.
  • Paid love costs less.
  • Nothing makes you happier than your friend’s failure.
  • Everyone has a friend who laughs funnier than he jokes.
  • Brains are wonderful, I wish everyone had one.

If you enjoy them, you will like our Funny Quotes